Dead Flowers
by texasbelle91
Summary: Beth is not only a mother, she is now a widow. "Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world which I find myself walking around in the daytime and falling into at night. I miss you like hell." [AU, NO ZA]
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: This is the sequel to "Playin' the Missus". If you haven't already, I would suggest reading that story first. **_

_***Anything in Italics is a flashback. **_

* * *

Dead Flowers

Chapter 1

* * *

There wasn't a call, nothing but the police at her door.

The hospital seemed colder than it ever did as Beth waited and watched the clock. Minutes turned into hours and hours turned into her life flashing before her eyes.

She stood when she saw the doctor walking towards her, then she felt her knees buckle beneath her at his words.

Beth's world had been turned upside down.

There were no tears shed on her part, her whole body was in shock.

She had just gotten him back and now he was gone.

The coolness of the hospital floor against her cheek did nothing to ease the pain in her chest but she couldn't stand, she couldn't feel anything but the coolness.

Everything around her began to spin, whispering voices and clocks ticking were the only sounds.

As she pushed herself up off the floor and tried to stand, unseen hands grabbed her in an attempt to steady her.

She was led into a room and as the doctor pulled back the sheet, her heart started beating faster than it ever had.

"No." The word fell from her lips in a pathetic whimper.

Her body shook as she reached out to touch his face. He was cold, so much colder than she had ever felt.

Her fingers traced the cuts on his face and then his lips before she pressed hers to his.

It was such a pitiful attempt to make him wake up, to come back to her but he didn't.

* * *

The next two days flew by in a whirlwind.

She wasn't sure how but she found herself sitting in the front row with Cody and Daryl next to her. She dared to look around at the people dressed in black behind her.

Her eyes found the carrier at her feet and a sleeping Sadie, dressed in black.

The casket in front of her made an awful pain shoot through her chest.

She closed her eyes and felt a small hand on hers. Looking down into the saddest blue eyes she had ever seen, she was at a loss for words. Not that she had been able to speak much in the last few days.

She stood there like a statue after Merle was lowered into the ground. Arms wrapped her in hug after hug, condolences and comforting words were spoken to her but she couldn't distinguish one person from the next, one voice from another.

They all made her feel empty inside.

"Mommy," Cody tugged her hand.

Such as simple word and gesture brought her out of her haze but caused her body flinch.

* * *

Being home, surrounded by pictures and their things, Beth was able to find a little comfort.

The more people that left, the more flowers Beth found in her home. She was sure Merle would've cursed every single petal and stem if he saw them. But she left them where they had been placed.

The day went on just as any other would. She fed the kids, bathed them, put them to bed. Everything a mother would do.

Maggie and Daryl watched every move she made, waiting for her to break.

They were both standing in the doorway of the bedroom she had shared with Merle as she pulled one of his shirts out of the closet and disappeared into the bathroom. They were both gone when she returned to the bedroom, wearing Merle's shirt. Maggie had taken the guest room down the hall and Daryl had taken the couch.

Beth stood there staring at the bed.

It looked so big and empty without him in it. Usually at this time of night he would've already been in bed waiting for her.

She walked around to her side of the bed and climbed in, facing away from his side as she laid down.

Her eyes never closed so when the sun started peeking through the window she turned off her alarm clock before it was time for it to go off, she got dressed, woke Cody up to get ready for school and then made her way to the kitchen.

She put on a pot of coffee and made the same thing she made every morning unaware that Maggie and Daryl were rushing around the house, taking care of the kids.

To her it all seemed normal as that was what Merle did.

After everyone's plates were filled and set on the table, she turned the coffee off and poured two glasses, both black.

She handed one to Daryl and set the other one down at Merle's spot. Her grip on the cup tightened before she let go of it.

She could feel their eyes on her when she turned around to fix her own plate though she wasn't at all hungry.

She sat across from where Merle would have sat and stared at the empty space.

He was just there.

* * *

_Beth had decided it was finally time for them to get remarried._

_So many things had been keeping them from doing it, like her pregnancy with Sadie, and despite Merle disliking the idea of an actual ceremony, he felt he owed that to Beth but he knew she didn't have to have it. She wanted a simple ceremony in front of their family and just a few friends. After all, their first wedding had been in front of the Justice of the Peace._

_A week before Merle's accident, the Greene farm was decorated but it wasn't over the top. _

_There were a few chairs and several tables with food but it was hardly anything fancy._

_Merle and Cody were dressed up nicely and waiting for Beth at the alter._

_Instead of carrying a bouquet of flowers, Beth was carrying a sleeping Sadie in her arms. They were both dressed in white dresses with lavender ribbons._

_Merle smiled at his girls and leaned down to whisper to Cody._

_"Ain't yer Mama an' sister beautiful?"_

_Cody smiled and nodded._

_Beth tried to hand Sadie off to Maggie while she and Merle exchanged vows but the baby threw a fit, Beth decided it was best to hold her._

_When it was time for them to exchange rings, they kept their old wedding rings but wanted to start fresh with new ones, Beth was able to pass Sadie off to Maggie._

_Beth slipped the ring onto Merle's finger and when it was his turn, he asked Beth to hold her hand out so Cody could help him put the ring on her finger._

_"I now pronounce you husband and wife, again. You may kiss the bride."_

_Merle pulled Beth close and kissed her while their family and friends cheered._

_He couldn't believe that after all these years and the hell he put her through, she was still his. She was still by his side and, if it was possible, he loved her even more than before._


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Here's chapter 2. I hope y'all enjoy it and thank y'all for all of the favorites, follows and reviews.**_

_***Italics in this chapter is a dream. **_

* * *

Dead Flowers

Chapter 2

* * *

Beth had asked for the cops and doctors to give her every detail they could but they refused to give her any. The only thing she knew was that somehow his right hand was severed during the accident.

Merle had been working extra hours and on top of having a new baby at home, he wasn't getting much sleep.

He had fallen asleep at the wheel on his way home and crashed head on into another car before rolling his truck several times and smashing into a tree.

* * *

Beth woke up in a cold sweat, chest heaving and unable to move.

She reached out for Merle but found he wasn't beside her. Panicking, she allowed herself to cry, she laid back down and rolled over to his side of the bed.

It still smelled like him and it still felt warm to her. It didn't have the empty feeling she had thought it would.

_"Hey, baby," Merle sat down and wrapped his left arm around her, "still havin' nightmares?"_

_Beth nodded and buried her face in his chest._

_"Ya cain't lose me, baby. It's gon' take a hell of a lot more ta kill ol' Merle than a car wreck."_

_Beth raised her head to look into his eyes, then she looked down. Running her fingers gently over the bandage that covered Merle's right arm, she let out a deep, ragged breath._

_"It could've been so much worse, Merle."_

Beth wasn't sure how long she had laid there or when she went back to sleep but when she felt a familiar hand on her back, she shot up in bed only to find that there was no one there.

The feeling of his hand on her back and the dream she had woken up from were all too real for her but that's how things seemed to be going in the two weeks since his accident.

Every dream, every touch, every smell, every whisper. It was all so real to her. As if he had never left her.

She went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face but it did nothing to help ease her pain.

She found she couldn't even look at Cody and Sadie anymore. Every time she did, she saw Merle.

* * *

She went back to the bedroom, pulled her hair into a ponytail and pulled on her jeans and boots, leaving on the shirt of Merle's she had been sleeping in.

Quietly, she made her way to the living room, careful not to wake up Daryl, and got her truck keys and purse.

She didn't have any destination in mind, she just had to get away from the house and everyone.

Stopping at a convenience store, she filled her tank and bought a pack of cigarettes.

She drove the rest of the night and as the sun was coming up, she pulled up at a bar.

The owner turned on the open sign just as she was walking towards the door.

Once inside and seated at the bar, she lit a cigarette and ordered a beer.

By noon she had smoked her last cigarette and was so drunk she could barely walk.

"We have rooms upstairs," the owner of the bar told her.

"How much?"

"It's $150 a night but for you, I'll take $50 a night."

"Why for me?"

The woman leaned over the bar, "Because you look like shit and like you're runnin' from somethin'. I've been there, sweetheart."

Beth grabbed her purse and handed the woman $200.

The woman smiled politely as she walked off and retrieved a room key and receipt from the office.

"Follow me."

* * *

Beth looked around the small room after she was left alone. It wasn't much but it wasn't home and she was thankful for that.

She threw her purse down on the bed and went into the bathroom.

The bar owner was right, she did look like shit. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, the shirt she was wearing was obviously too large for her and her face was a mess. She had dark bags under her eyes along with smeared mascara and eyeliner that she hadn't bothered to was off.

She huffed. At least her mood matched her appearance.

* * *

Maggie and Daryl were both in an state of panic when they couldn't find Beth.

They had both been running around town like chickens with their heads cut off in search of Beth.

She was nowhere to be found and she wasn't answering any texts or phone calls.

"D'ya go by the cemetery?" Daryl asked Maggie when they met back up at the Greene farm.

"Yeah, she wasn't there."

Hershel sat down next to Maggie, "I've asked Rick to look for her. He said he would but since she's an adult, she has to be missing 24 hours before anythin' can be done."

* * *

Beth looked at her phone to see she had missed a lot of calls from Maggie, Daryl and her daddy but she didn't care, she couldn't care so she turned the phone off and went back downstairs to the bar.

There were more people than earlier but she wasn't there to socialize.

She was there to drink her pain away and forget and then drink some more until she had completely forgotten about Merle and everything else life threw at her.

She wanted to waste away into nothing like the dead flowers that filled her home.


	3. Chapter 3

Dead Flowers

Chapter 3

* * *

Beth had been frequenting the bar downstairs for the past three days. She was there when it opened and she was there when it closed.

This was her fourth night there and she had paid for her room for the rest of the week.

"Here you go, Darlin'," the bar owner, Charla, sat another beer in front of her, "you know, part of my job as a bartender is to listen to the troubles of my customers and if I can, I give advice."

Beth looked at her beer, took a sip and gave her a weak smile. "I don't feel like talkin' right now."

"Well, sweetie, when you do feel like talkin', you come find me. Alright?"

Beth nodded and went back to drinking her beer.

* * *

In the days that Beth had been at the bar, she never returned a phone call or text, therefore, she was considered a missing person.

This had everyone worried. Especially those closest to her who knew of an attempt at suicide she had made when she was sixteen.

Cody and Sadie were left with Hershel and Annette while Shawn, Daryl, Maggie and Glenn searched neighboring counties for any signs of Beth.

Day after day, their hope began to fade and they started fearing the worst.

* * *

On the seventh day of her stay at the bar, twenty packs of cigarettes and countless drinks later, Beth finally broke down.

Maybe it was the song on the jukebox. Maybe it was the drink in her hand or the cigarette on her lips. Maybe it was the guy on the stool next to her or the one who was the loudest amongst his friends. Whatever it was, something reminded her of Merle.

That's when Charla pulled her aside and into the office.

She sat there quietly while Beth cried and when she was done, she spoke.

"I'm guessin' it has somethin' to do with a man? Your husband?"

Beth stared at her in confusion until Charla pointed to the ring on her hand, then she stared at that.

"Did he hurt you? Is that what you're runnin' from?"

"No," Beth shook her head, "He...he was killed in a car accident."

"How long ago?"

"Three weeks."

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry," Charla stood, walked over to the desk and pulled out a small box, "I have just the thing to help chase away ghosts, memories and just about anythin' else."

She walked over to Beth and held out a pill bottle and a Ziploc bag filled with pills.

"There's Xanax in the bottle and Oxycontin in the bag. Take out however many you want."

Beth stared at them, unable to tell the woman 'no'. She shook out ten of each and stuffed them into her pocket.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't mention it. Just don't take too many at once and whatever you do, don't tell anyone."

That night she drank a few more beers before closing and as soon as she was in her room, she took the pills out of her pocket and placed them on the table beside her purse.

She had no intentions of taking them.

After eating leftover pizza, she curled up on the bed.

Hour after hour, same as the days before, sleep failed to take over.

* * *

Everyone was in an uproar back at the Greene farm.

They had searched everywhere they possibly could but there were no signs, nothing was found to tell them where Beth was.

The only clue they had was a video from the surveillance camera at the convenience store and that wasn't any help at all.

How could she have disappeared like this?

* * *

Another sleepless night left Beth feeling weaker than the last.

She was sick and tired of everything and she was pissed off at the whole world.

Merle had made a huge effort to get his family back and then he was taken from them.

It was unfair.

Beth sat on the bed, a soda in one hand and pills in the other, shaking her head.

She couldn't believe what she was about to do. After everything Merle had put her through, after all the times she begged him to stay away from drugs, here she sat.

Putting the pills in her mouth, she hesitated as she brought the soda to her lips but she took a sip and swallowed the pills.

Curling up on the bed again, she waited and when the high washed over her, she realized why Merle did what he did. So she took some more.

By the next morning, Beth was numb and she had been able to sleep without seeing or feeling Merle.

As she slowly came down from the high, she cursed herself for being so stupid.

She laid there on the bed, wide awake.

_"Hey, Sugar," Merle put his arm around her waist and pulled her close, "This ain't you. Why ya doin' this shit?"_

_"Leave me alone, Merle," she whispered._

_He kissed the back of her head._

_"No, 'cause this ain't you, baby. Ya need ta get home ta our kids."_

* * *

Daryl and Maggie drove all night after they were told by Rick that Beth's truck was spotted several counties over, outside of the search area.

"Have you seen this girl?" Maggie asked the bar owner, showing her a picture of Beth.

"Yeah, I've seen her," Charla replied, "she's upstairs in room 16."

"Thank you," Maggie said while pulling Daryl behind her.

At the door the stopped and listened. They could hear Beth talkin' but no one else.

They both knocked but there was no answer so Daryl kicked the door until it opened.

"Beth," Maggie ran to her, "oh my God! I'm so glad we found you."

Beth stared at her blankly.

"Shit," Daryl mumbled when he saw what was left of the pills, "Bethie, how many did ya take?"

She didn't answer, didn't even look at him as Maggie helped her up off the bed.

Daryl took the remainder of the pills and flushed them down the toilet.

It wasn't lost on him that Beth spent years trying to get his brother to quit but now here she was doin' the same thing.

He was sure everything would be alright though.

They had Beth and were headed home.


End file.
